Bittersweet
by m.shell
Summary: Parvati finds a boy, and Lavender goes looking for a girl. Hermione gets involved, and complications ensue... *f/f slash!*
1. Awakening

Title: Bittersweet  
Author: shell  
Email: m_shell@cats.ucsc.edu  
Rating: PG-13 so far  
Pairing: Hermione/Lavender, implied Lavender/Parvati  
Spoilers: Nah  
Series: Yes-this is chapter 1. More to ensue!  
Warnings: Angst, kinda. Possible non-monogamy.   
Notes: More threesomes possible on the horizon. No, I'm not obsessed...  
Summary: Parvati finds a boy, and Lavender goes looking for a girl. Hermione gets involved, and complications ensue.  
  
Hermione came up the stairs to the tower room she shared with Lavender and Parvati. Her mind was somewhat lost in abstraction; that last Arithmancy problem in the homework set was still baffling her, and half her mind was still puzzling over it. The room was dim, and at first Hermione thought neither of her roommates was at home. But as her eyes adjusted to the low light, she realized that there was someone else in the room after all. Lavender was sitting on her bed, quiet and still. Hermione almost lit the lamp, but something stopped her. Why was Lavender sitting in the dark? she wondered. And where was Parvati? She hardly ever saw one without the other. Hesitating, she finally asked, "Lavender?" "Oh, hi, Hermione," Lavender's doleful voice came out of the shadows. Hermione hesitated again. But she had to say something, do something. She was incapable of leaving someone to fend for herself in the dark. Sighing inwardly, she went over to the bed and sat down beside Lavender. "Where's Parvati?" she asked.   
  
Lavender sniffed. "Off snogging with some Ravenclaw boy," she said, sounding disconsolate. The tone in the other girl's voice stirred something in Hermione. How would she feel if Ron or Harry started going out with some girl, and suddenly was never around? Impulsively, she gave Lavender's shoulder a little squeeze. "It'll be all right," she said, hoping it was true. Lavender sighed. "She's been gone every evening for ages, seeing him," she said. "I hardly ever see her anymore!" Hermione felt strange suddenly. Lavender had been her roommate for years, and she knew next to nothing about the girl, except that she and Parvati were inseparable. Lavender must be feeling very lonely to be willing to talk to her like this... "And my Arithmancy homework this week is driving me mad, and usually we work on it together." Lavender added. Hermione suddenly felt relieved. This, at least, was something she could help with. "I can help you with that, I think," she offered. "It was awfully hard this week, but I worked most of it out." "Really?" Lavender asked, sounding surprised. "Well, okay, thanks."   
  
The next day, Hermione was sitting in the library working on Transfiguration homework when Lavender came and put her books down next to her. Hermione must have looked surprised, because Lavender said apologetically, "I was just wondering...you helped me out so much with Arithmancy, and Transfiguration always confuses me..." Hermione smiled at her. "Sure," she told Lavender. "I was just doing that myself, come look at this-I think this part of the spell is the most confusing, but as long as your wandwork is good..."  
  
Harry and Ron were talking about Quiddich at dinner, and Hermione was trying not to look too bored, when Lavender came and sat next to them. She looked a little nervous, as if she wasn't sure she'd be welcome. Ron and Harry seemed taken aback to see Lavender without Parvati, but they moved over to make room for her. Soon they were back in the throes of their involved discussion about the relative merits of the Wronski Feint and the Kurianowicz Pass, leaving Lavender and Hermione to talk mainly to one another. Lavender picked at her food in a distracted manner. Peering discreetly over the crowd, Hermione could see Parvati at the Ravenclaw table, talking to a boy with shiny black hair and a confident smile. Trying to distract Lavender, she offered, "Would you like to get started on our Charms homework early?" Lavender looked grateful. "Sure," she said. "Let's work on it after dinner." Hermione noticed her avoiding looking in Parvati's direction, but at least Lavender didn't look utterly crushed anymore. That was an improvement, she thought wearily.  
  
In the weeks that followed, Hermione became used to Lavender's popping up whenever Parvati was off with her Ravenclaw boy, especially if Hermione was alone. She didn't mind, exactly, although a small cynical part of her observed that it was obvious she was being used as a second-best replacement for Parvati. But Lavender was sweet, really, especially when she accidentally abandoned her usual ultra-femme persona and got interested in a homework problem momentarily. And sometimes it was nice to have a break from Ron and Harry's relentless fascination with Quiddich and practical joking. She grew accustomed to Lavender's frequent, if erratic, presence-maybe even fond of it, a bit, although that thought was immediately relegated to the "do not think about again" category. Some things didn't bear too much examination.  
  
One afternoon, the two of them were sprawled out on Lavender's bed, having polished off that day's homework in record time. Lavender had been quiet for a long time, but was clearing her throat as if about to speak. "Hermione?" she asked. "Hmmm?" Hermione asked, drowsy from the slanting afternoon sunlight. "People say you're-that is, some people do-though they might be wrong..." Lavender hesitated. Finally she blurted out, "Are you...are you a lesbian?" Hermione blinked. She rolled over to look at Lavender, who was regarding her with a serious look in those huge, long-lashed brown eyes. After a long moment, Hermione finally got out, "Why?" Lavender was silent for a long moment. The silence between them was filled with a curious tension. Hermione felt an unfamiliar sensation in the pit of her stomach as Lavender dragged her lower lip past her teeth nervously, making it flush rosy pink. Then Lavender gulped, parted her lips as if to speak, and instead leaned over and kissed Hermione.  
  
At the first soft touch of Lavender's mouth on her own, Hermione felt as if she were drowning. Her rational mind, languid but still protesting, was trying hard to tell her that this was simply wrong. She's lonely, she's curious, she wants Parvati and not you in any case, it insisted. But another part of her was ignoring the warnings, reveling in the tactile sensation of feeling another girl close to her. She could feel Lavender's heart beating fast, taste the sweetness of her lips. Hermione let her hands come up to trace patterns on Lavender's back, and Lavender plastered herself against Hermione and began to kiss hard and desperate. It was like an intoxicant or a potion, feeling Lavender's need, and Hermione abandoned all resistance and let the other girl in. Regardless of consequences, there was no way she was stopping now.  
  
  
  



	2. Unfolding

FIC: Bittersweet PG-13 2/3  
  
Title: Bittersweet  
Author: shell  
Email: m_shell@cats.ucsc.edu  
Rating: R, probably.  
Pairing: Hermione/Lavender, implied Lavender/Parvati  
Spoilers: Nah  
Warnings: More angst, kinda; immanent non-monogamy.   
Notes: More threesomes possible on the horizon. *Everyone gasps in surprise* Quiet, you!   
Summary: Parvati finds a boy, and Lavender goes looking for a girl. Hermione gets involved, and complications ensue.  
  
  
  
  
  
It was funny, Hermione thought. On the surface, her life seemed as it had been before. She still spent most of her time with Harry and Ron, still spent hours a day in the library with her books, still helped Lavender with her homework when Parvati had gone off to Ravenclaw. But now, Hermione found herself preoccupied with the curve of Lavender's cheek, the way her hair became gold in the sunlight, the shape of her lips as she unconsciously chewed the end of a quill. Though nothing had changed, nothing was the same. When they were alone together in the room they shared, all thoughts of studying flew out the window, swiftly as a golden snitch. Because they were kissing instead of studying and studying instead of sleeping, Hermione's eyes were perpetually heavy and sore, and her body ached dully. She found bruises in curious places-one that she noticed on her thigh baffled her until she realized where it must have come from, and barely managed to stifle a laugh in the middle of Transfiguration lecture. Ron looked at her curiously, but under the stern eye of Professor McGonagall, he didn't venture to ask her what was so funny. A small part of Hermione realized that Harry and Ron were probably worried about her, but she did her best to ignore it. She felt that she existed in a precarious equilibrium, but was nevertheless managing to balance. And still...  
  
And still, there were times when Hermione couldn't stop herself from thinking of certain things. Sometimes, she noticed Lavender looking over at the Ravenclaw table where Parvati was laughing, with a wistful expression on her soft face. Seeing that gave Hermione an odd feeling of hollowness. She knew what the bond between Lavender and Parvati was, what good friends they had been. But it was bittersweet, regardless. It made Hermione aware of the fragility of what was between them. And then Lavender would turn back to Hermione and smile. But there would be sadness in the smile that had not been there before.  
  
One evening, Hermione and Lavender were working in the Gryffindor common room. It was the usual barely controlled chaos, with some students studying, some talking about Quiddich, and some simply loafing in front of the fireplace. The latest Arithmancy problem set was trying even Hermione's focus, and she was currently engaged in peering over Lavender's Divination, trying to spot any errors in the astrological calculations. "It looks right to me," a voice came from behind the two girls. Hermione blinked. It was-unaccountably-Parvati. Pushing her shiny black hair out of her face, she leaned over the chart. "Sorry I haven't been around to work on Divination homework lately," she continued. "D'you want to do a bit of that this evening?" "Um, sure," Lavender managed. Parvati pulled a chair over, and the two were soon buried in the minutiae of Mercury retrogrades and Saturn returns. Hermione turned back to her Arithmancy, mind awhirl with strange emotions that she preferred not to identify.   
  
After an hour or so, Parvati got up and gathered her papers. "I'd better go," she said regretfully. "I told Terry I'd help him-he has trouble with Divination. He's a bit like you, Hermione," she added, "He thinks it's awfully imprecise, but he can't drop it now so he's got to suffer through." She slung her bookbag onto her shoulder jauntily and walked away. Lavender and Hermione looked at one another, then away. The very air seemed charged with questioning. "Hermione," Lavender asked carefully, "Would you mind going up to our room? I think it's a bit loud to concentrate in here." She didn't meet Hermione's eyes.  
  
As soon as they had reached the tower room, Lavender practically launched herself at Hermione. Taken aback, Hermione responded as best she could. Before long, though, Lavender's fervency had her swept up in desire. The two girls toppled onto the bed, kissing feverishly. Lavender entwined herself around Hermione, as if trying to bury herself in the other girl. Lavender raised herself up on her arms to feverishly push her long brown hair out of her eyes, then returned to Hermione's circling arms. That small persistent part of Hermione's mind was protesting that they were doing this for all the wrong reasons, but feebly. When Lavender moaned helplessly in response to Hermione's touch, Hermione was lost to her own senses, could do nothing but touch more and more, cupping and kneading and holding Lavender against her. The universe was minute, bounded by the edges of the bed. The only thing left in the world was the two of them, and the desperate desire between them.  
  
  



	3. Embers and Ashes

FIC: Bittersweet PG-13 3/?  
  
Title: Bittersweet  
Author: shell  
Email: m_shell@cats.ucsc.edu  
Rating: R, probably.  
Pairing: Hermione/Lavender, implied Lavender/Parvati  
Spoilers: Nah, although without having read most of the books, I doubt it'll make a lot of sense.  
Warnings: More angst-I'm sure you're all real surprised. Not much sex, either.  
Notes: So apparently, that 3-part thing isn't going to happen. I'm not sure how many it will be, now-we'll just have to see.  
Summary: Parvati finds a boy, and Lavender goes looking for a girl. Hermione gets involved, and complications ensue.  
  
  
  
  
It really shouldn't bother her, Hermione told herself fiercely. She'd known all along that it was likely to happen. And since when had it become so important, anyway? But despite all this, despite her best intellectual rationalizations, it did bother her. Parvati had come back from her self-imposed exile, and Lavender had returned to her with not even a backward glance.  
  
There had been no warning, really-Hermione had come back to the Gryffindor common room to study Arithmancy with Lavender as usual, and had been confronted with the sight of Lavender and Parvati bending over their homework together, glossy black hair and soft brown curls glinting in the lamplight. Neither of them noticed her entrance, and Hermione was seized by an unaccountable sensation at the sight of their friendly intimacy. It was like an ache or a hollowness, and Hermione had to turn away from the two. They seemed entirely unaware of her presence, so she quietly left the room for the safe confines of the library. And that was the beginning.   
  
Hermione had no idea whether Parvati's Ravenclaw boy was a thing of the past, or if perhaps the novelty of the new relationship had simply worn off, but after that afternoon, Parvati was simply present during almost all the times she had been absent. In the afternoons, when Hermione and Lavender had been studying together, Parvati was there too, looking over Arithmancy. In the evenings, when the two had stolen away to their shared bedroom, Parvati was hanging around, obviously wanting to be with Lavender too. When Hermione realized that Parvati was going to be around, she simply left rather than experience the rejection she felt to be a foregone conclusion. More often than even before Lavender's overtures, Hermione wound up in the library or out on the Quiddich field, alone or with Ron and Harry. Neither commented on her sudden avoidance of Lavender, just as neither had mentioned it when she began to spend her time with the other girl. For once, Hermione was grateful that her two closest friends avoided talking about anything remotely emotional like the plague, because she doubted that she could face their questioning.  
  
One afternoon, Hermione was sitting at her usual table in the library, but the homework she had brought was lying unnoticed on the table. Her thoughts had drifted, despite her best efforts at denial, to the question that was always beneath the surface of her consciousness recently. When was it that she had grown fond of Lavender? she asked herself. At first, she had been flattered but somewhat annoyed that the other girl was seeking her out-Lavender's studious avoidance of matters academic had hardly endeared her to Hermione, and she knew full well that it was Parvati's desertion that had driven Lavender to her. When Lavender had shown herself to be far more dedicated to her studies than Hermione had thought possible, she'd decided that perhaps she'd misjudged the other girl. Hermione almost blushed as she remembered how she had responded to Lavender's first shy but urgent kisses. Despite what her better judgement had told her, she'd let herself be blinded by desire. But she couldn't claim that she'd begun the relationship out of love. Need, or loneliness, or her longing for soft female curves and sweet kisses-but never love. When had this morass of ignoble urges been transmuted into something more?  
  
Resolutely, Hermione slammed her book closed. She deserved nothing more than this, she told herself bitterly. For deceiving herself and using Lavender, for obscuring her own motivations, she deserved to be left alone. It still hurt to think that Lavender could forget her so easily, but she could hardly fault the other girl. Whether Parvati had any knowledge of Lavender's crush on her, whether Parvati was attracted to girls or not, Lavender's first allegiance had never been anywhere but with Parvati. Perhaps, Hermione thought wryly, if she reminded herself of that often enough, she could forget what had been between them. Perhaps the bittersweet longing would fade.  
  
  



End file.
